Me and Joe Productions

Evil Johnny and the Crotch of All Flavors

 By Schnoggleburger (name changed to protect identity of true author)

One day, while contemplating the Global Economy, Johnny realized that the income gap made it so that he could no buy test books for his Slovakian friend, Crotchy.  This upset him greatly, and he consulted the Environmental Imperative to figure out what to do.  The Imperative told him that his “view” of the form was incorrect and Crotchy’s happiness was greater than Johnny’s ever would be.  As a Slovakian, Crotchy’s structural change of markets allowed him to purchase his own Crotch of All Flavors.  Johnny could not afford one, as they were far more expensive in the U.S.  The Imperative said this was due largely to Johnny’s homogeniality, and he should sue for Slovakian citizenship. 

                Now, a Crotch of All Flavors has two parts, its role, and its purpose.  There is an exchange between these parts that can cause burning of the eye in some cases.  But what really makes these Crotch’s unique is its patented “Flavor Dial”.  This dial allows the user to dial in any flavor on the crochness plane.  Possession of a Crotch of All Flavors with no dial is illegal by international law.  Johnny asked Crotchy to support his application for citizenship.  Crotchy gave him a form to fill out.  Johnny filled the form out, sent it in, and was denied.  The reason was because he had no skills or education valuable to the Slovakian people.  Crotchy, who was not a native Slovakian, had managed to get in, so Johnny asked him how.  It turns out, Crotchy was the original inventor of the “Flavor Dial”.  If Johnny could come up with an innovation of that magnitude, he’d be in.

                Having just found out that Crotchy was a scientist, Johnny broke into his lab.  He stole plans for a digital “Flavor Dial” that had six presets.  Johnny turned these plans in and became a Slovakian citizen.  Crotchy became very upset and was heartbroken.   He gave Johnny a nickname, “Evil Johnny”, and proceeded to write his own textbook so that Johnny did not have to buy him one.  And then he put a contract out on Johnny.

The End.

(Transcribed from original writings by DirtyPjs, with the assistance of his pants)