Me and Joe Productions

Dear all,

Prepare for the journey of a lifetime. The great and powerful Randolph had begun his attempt to take over the world, one full figured woman at a time. Each woman will be treated with respect, and subjected to Randolph’s “Love maneuver”. Randolph requests that each hour you bathe him in Natural Light beer, and smack him hard across the face. For your service, Randolph will present you with an autographed picture of his private area, and a copy of his books: “Ain’t no Jesus in this BH” and “IBS and you: Damn it burns!”. Get ready ladies, it’s go time!

An open letter to captain pants man:

 F you.

 Love,

Private Crotchalot

So last night I was at a sports bar, and saw this chick playing pool right by out table with a couple of friends. She was obviously not with the guy, and I was definitely getting a vibe. She was glancing my way and putting on a bit of a show. I didn’t approach right away, but just as I finally work up the nerve and am about to go over and talk to her, this dumbass goes over and starts chatting her up. No way I’m going to have the confidence to approach her while that guy is around. He’s wearing a trucker hat and is obviously a total fucker. But what really got me is that when he started to play pool with them, I noticed he had only one arm! Not to make fun of the handicapped, but this was all starting to turn a little bit weird.

The dumbass his totally hitting on her, and she is obviously not interested. She’s being nice though and he doesn’t take the hint. He is a total hick, skinny, and is getting no where. All he can accomplish is to keep her from anyone else. (Which sucks for her too, because my friend overheard her tell her girlfriend that she was really horny.) This guy is hanging around until her group leaves, totally taking any chance for me to try to salvage anything. She walks out the door, making a point not to look in my direction, like it was my fault some guy got in the way! So now she’s gone, and I have nothing to show for it except for a mildly humorous story about being screwed over by the one armed man.