Me and Joe Productions

Paco awoke the next day and had to poop. Upon visiting the toilet (which he had to share with all six of the acrobatic quintuplets) he discovered that it was halfway to diarrhea. Gross. But he was not deterred. He left a note for the elephant trainer telling her that he had secretly loved her, even if she did have the clap, and snuck out before anyone else was awake. He did not want to see them tortured or bribed or both by The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa®. He knew what he had to do. He had to keep traveling, not staying anywhere too long, and try to find a way to get The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® to lose interest in him.

He went to the bus station where he spent the next 2.3 days panhandling, trying to get enough money to buy a ticket. When that didn’t seem to be getting him very far, he spent 2.3 days whoring himself out to other beggars. When he realized that none of them had money either and were promising future payment he would never receive, he finally spent an additional 2.3 days whoring himself out to passengers with first class tickets. But then he had enough money to get himself almost to Mars, had the train actually gone there.

He got a train to the next town. He figured that he’d stay there for a while, then double back, and keep The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® off his trail for as long as possible. On the train is when the first dream happened. It almost seemed real at first. Johnny was there and was telling him that he knew about the plot against Paco, and had faked his death so that he could help him without The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® knowing he was still alive. They had far more money and resources than Johnny and Paco, so Johnny had to be tricky. Johnny also confirmed the danger to Paco should he be subjected to the tests needed for his cloning. He then told Paco that he had a plan.

The dream had seemed real, almost too real. But when he awoke Paco knew that the dream could not be true. For one thing he had watched as they had cremated Johnny’s body, so there was no way he could have survived. But what really confirmed it as a dream was the fact that as he finished talking to Paco Johnny had begun to dance on a stripper pole, and had slowly morphed into the elephant trainer. Paco had known Johnny long enough to know that he did not have the power to morph into anyone, let alone Paco’s love interest. So Paco knew this was just a dream, but seeing two of the people he had cared for most in the world, and knew he would never see again made Paco sad and he proceeded to cry.

Then, on Tuesday, he arrived at his destination. It was not Mars, but it was a close second. He was in a small town called Mars. The residents had even built a mock up of a rocket ship as a tourist trap. The good news was that the rocket was rainproof, and Paco was able to get inside to use as his secret headquarters. Once in there he set down his meager possessions, pulled out a sheet of paper, and began this plans to get revenge on The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa®.

The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® was mostly concerned with their retail business. Their Spa division accounted for only 2.3% of their revenue, and even less of their profits. Paco knew that he was the key to their holiday plans for the next half a decade. If they got their hands on him, not only would his own health be in danger, but it would make the Tickle Me Elmo craze look like a dog eating its own poop. As Paco saw it, he had three options:

1. Keep running from The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa®, never safe, hoping they never catch up to him.
2. Convince them that he had better ideas for them. Not only would he find them something else to be interested in, but they would see his mind as a valuable asset and would hire him. They would not want to risk his health because his mind would be more valuable than his DNA.
3. Kill himself.

The first two options seemed to be too hard and would take too long to Paco, so he decided to kill himself. Besides, if there was an afterlife, he would then be with Johnny again. So he got a length of rope and hung himself.

Paco did not realize that as he weighed just 7 ounces (he slimmed down during all his hard work at the circus). He also didn’t realize that this was far too little weight to break his neck, or even to choke him. So after hanging there for about ten minutes, Paco got himself down. His throat hurt, so he decided to go on to plan B right away. He climbed the rocket and jumped off. He weighed so little that the air resistance kept him from reaching a fast enough speed to do himself harm and he landed with a thud, unhurt.

Plan C was to light himself on fire. Paco did not have matches, and it was late. He decided he was too tired to kill himself right now, so he decided to sleep. He would finish the job in the morning. But that night Paco had an experience that would make him think twice about killing himself, another dream with Johnny…